My father’s message to me before he was killed is still very clear: he wished for all people in Sudan to be united, no more tribes fighting tribes. This too is my desire.
In my past whenever I heard bad news from home I went drinking with my friends. I have been depressed at lot, and suffer with bi-polar disorder. When you mix those meds with drinking it changes your personality. I have moved a lot. In each city something bad happens to me, so I keep moving. Two months ago I googled Gospel Mission and came here with no money.
I blame myself that one of my brothers is dead. He returned home to Sudan from Cuba many years ago. He wrote me a letter to tell me he was taking care of my mother and sisters. I was so pleased, and we arranged to talk by telephone which meant he had to travel into Ethiopia to phone me. He was shot. My sister blames me for his death.
I have another brother who is living in the USA. He finally went home after 44 years of being away. My family had a reunion, all my brothers and sisters were together and they phoned me on my cell. They said Mom is nothing but bones. I said I’m not hiding from you, I’m doing the best I can. My half-sister said what happened to you? You should be here too. I want to so badly, but I can’t. So many things have happened. She said I’ve been running like a squirrel, which is not funny, but true.
My grandfather was a King. I am born to be a leader, and I know exactly who I am, but sometimes the pain is too much for me. But I have decided to stop blaming myself. I have God on my side and he is strong.
I am a fighter. I know there is something for me and I have to keep fighting for it.
I am doing this for my family. I want to see my family again. I want to settle down. I am back at school, learning ESL. No more smoking, no more drinking, and I will be smiling because my victory will come soon.
Interview and photographs by Lesley-Anne Evans